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Entry #12

News Post

6/11/14 by CoolBerries

I decided to make a new "News Post" because I was sick and tired of seeing the New Beat Fund defining my home page. I don't know quite what to write about, but I'll write about it anyway. I hate people, in a deep, bitter, furious passion. I can't stand the fact that I am one. Sure, I love some people, but maybe I shouldn't. It's proved in my life that every single thing I've had a feeling for has gone to waste, putting me in a worse situation than I was without it. What put me in this mood? I'm not quite sure what, I don't like it, but it makes sense. I guess I'm just on a guy period. You know, I thought I was gonna live the rest of my life single, not dependant on somebody, no friends, no family, no partner, no religion, nothing. I was doing pretty good at it, too. I guess I'm just fucking selfish, but who isn't, I guess. You know, for a while I wanted friends, while this school year's beginning went on, and I tried, made a couple. But they all ran off. Fuck them, I don't need them, they don't need me. Now here's summer vacation and I ain't got nobody, what a fucking tragedy. I got somebody, though, sadly enough, and I hate it. She's pretty, she's sociable, she's smart. I hate her. But here I am, in a one-way relationship with her, and ironically, the one way is by me, and not her. I'm the stupid committed one and it's been sucking the life out of me. I really like music. I write a lot of it, play a lot of it, I have a lot of local and private gigs. I self taught all I know and play guitar and piano. That's been changing lately because of this girl, however. Actually, let me rephrase that, not because of this girl. It's because of me and my stupid-ass feelings about not only this girl, but life. I planned to be great, do good on my own, make it big in music and keep relationships to a minimum of professionalism with bandmates and etc., but now with the thoughts of other things, I'm less dedicated. I've always been suicidal since I was seven, but it's really been hitting hard lately. I won't do it, tough, I wanna make something out of myself for some fucking reason. Girl says I should stop the way I'm living, go to fucking college or something, become something I don't wanna fucking be. I'm a smart kid, but I don't wanna get a job where I'm not feeling good about myself, other people aren't feeling good because of me, and other people don't notice. That's why I persue music, I guess, I wanna put a fucking smile on somebody's face, something that never could be done to me because I'm so tainted and twisted and stained that I hate everything.


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CtdgropCtdgrop

8/5/14

Good fucking god, just don't kill yourself or we might just have to put you on 24 hour suicide watch. I'm sure most of us ng people luv ya. You should do what you please. If you don't wanna go to college, well then fuck college. But going to college is an experience that is worth living. But thats my story. But its your life, do whatever you like. Just please dont kill your self.

8/5/14 CoolBerries responds:

Hey thanks.


Chart your own course, brother. It's okay to make some relationships with people and maintain a goal. It's mostly about common interests and personality. You don't have to be anything you don't want to be as long as you constantly try to become a better person. There's always a little bit of good in everyone and everything. Try to keep that in mind when you meet new people or are trying to distance yourself from old ones.

And don't forget to help other people achieve their dream while you're reaching for yours.

If you really feel like you're going through some tough times (everyone does at least once in their life!), talk to a psychiatrist and be 100% transparent if you do. Remember dude, some of the best advice won't always be something you want to hear, so try to keep an open mind.At the same time, don't let anyone try to bring you down. Negativity will always be easier than positivity. Wish for you a bright future down the road! Cheers!

6/12/14 CoolBerries responds:

Thanks for the bright spirit... Psychiatrists aren't for me.